Phil Kessel appreciation post!

Pop art by ThinkSoJoE

Today is October 2, 2017, and 30 years ago today, Pittsburgh Penguins star and two time Stanley Cup winner Phil Kessel was born.  Therefore, today I decided to share with my fellow hockey fans some knowledge bestowed upon me by some folks in a chat room during a recent pre-season game between the Penguins and the Buffalo Sabres.  I do have to apologize, however, as I didn’t think to keep the names of the folks who said these things as I was sharing them with my BoredHockeyFan.com co-admin G the other night.

  • “Kessel was baptized in hot dog water”
  • “When Kessel gets NHL 18 he makes Kessel a little bigger to see if he can eat a few more burgers and still play”
  • “Kessel ain’t even fat, he’s jacked.”
  • “Kessels not fat, he’s thicc”
  • “Kessel won’t go to a team meeting unless they got pigs in a blanket.”
  • “Kessel stays in (Pittsburgh) not because he likes winning, but because they have the highest taco bell/pizza hut combos per capita”
  • “When the snapchat filter came out with the dancing hot dog Kessel ate his phone”
  • “If Kessel had a time machine, he’d go back to 1943, not to kill hitler but to kill a Dodo bird and try it’s meat.”
  • “Never refer to the puck as a biscuit or Phil will eat it”
  • “Kessel drank Smart Water for a week and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t better at math.”
  • “Kessel spends 14K on Reeses Pieces a month”
  • “Kessel met Jesus once but kept hounding him about Fish”
  • “Kessel’s salary is measured in quarter pounders”

And there you have it, folks.  Things I learned about birthday boy Phil Kessel from random people in a chat room.  Happy birthday Phil, from all of us at BoredHockeyFan!

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